An increasing number of young people say they are hesitant to get married, citing discouraging advice from individuals whose own marriages have ended in separation or divorce.
Interviews conducted by ICK News reveal that many young men and women fear building families, arguing that marriages today often collapse. For some, this perception is shaped by testimonies from people who have experienced failed unions, eroding their confidence in the institution of marriage.
Innocente Niyigena, 24, a resident of Bugesera District, recounted how a married woman once advised her against rushing into matrimony. Seeking guidance from someone she believed had experience, Niyigena said she was instead warned about persistent conflict in married life.
“There is a woman I spoke to while seeking advice as someone who has been married so I could understand how it is,” Niyigena said. “But she told me that marriage is full of constant conflicts. You and your partner are always arguing and never at peace. Honestly, the advice I can give you is to go slowly.”
The woman, Niyigena added, had separated from her husband despite having three children together — a fact that made the warning feel more credible.
Fiston Nziza, 27, who lives in Remera Sector, Gasabo District, shared a similar experience. He said a friend who had ended his marriage cautioned him against marrying, claiming that women are difficult and that marriage brings more pain than joy.
“That man told me, ‘Women are difficult. Be careful when you decide to marry, or you might as well avoid it because there is nothing good in it except pain,’” Nziza recalled.
However, not everyone agrees with such pessimistic views. Thierry Bizimana, a parent based in Rubavu District, believes discouraging young people from marriage based on isolated failures is misguided.
“Just because one marriage failed doesn’t mean others will fail,” Bizimana said. “My advice to young people is that if they choose to marry, they should marry someone they truly love, not for other reasons, because that is what sustains a relationship.”
He emphasized that love requires patience and mutual understanding, noting that no relationship is without challenges. “When there is true love, conflicts cannot outweigh the bond between partners,” he added.
Nkundimfura Rosette, founder and legal representative of the Girls Leaders Forum (GLF) and a marriage counselor, echoed similar sentiments. She described marriage as a positive and valuable institution and urged young people to seek balanced perspectives.
Nkundimfura Rosette, founder and legal representative of the Girls Leaders Forum (GLF) and a marriage counselor
“Marriage is good; let me repeat, it is good,” she said. “My advice to those who want to build a family is to stay away from people who failed to sustain their marriages, because there are also many successful marriages.”
Rosette stressed the power of mindset in shaping outcomes. “If you believe that because someone else failed, you will also fail, that thought will follow you. Before listening to people who separated, do you not see families that are doing well? Not everyone is unhappy,” she said, noting that she has been married for 11 years without major problems.
She concluded by encouraging couples to cultivate patience. “When partners are patient with each other in everything, a strong marriage is inevitable,” she said.
According to the 2022 Population and Housing Census report published in 2023 by the National Institute of Statistics of Rwanda (NISR), approximately 69 percent of young people aged between 16 and 30 in Rwanda are unmarried, while around 30 percent are married — a statistic observers say reflects shifting attitudes toward marriage among the country’s youth.
Author: Daniel Ngedahimana